I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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