Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
