so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
