so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
