What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
