i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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