Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
