It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
