guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
