new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize