He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize