Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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