she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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