They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
