I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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