my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
