why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
