in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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