I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize