First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
