i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
