and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
