this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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