the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
