1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
