i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
