You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
