Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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