im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
