Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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