hotel room ftw
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
