your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
