I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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