Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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