Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
