don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
