fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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