i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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