We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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