everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
