God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
