Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
