Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
