Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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