I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
