Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize