don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize