He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
