I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
