when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
