Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
