but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
