We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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