I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
