did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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