Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
