Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I want to be your penis for a week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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