Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
