worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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