turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
