I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
