I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're like the curious george of whores
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
