His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My feet surprised me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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