girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
