good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just tell him i said nine months
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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