Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
