You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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