No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
