your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
