I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
